Little did I know when I accepted this speaking assignment that I would be sharing my talk day and topic with my daughter Elizabeth in Rexburg, Idaho. The Lord works in very mysterious ways, and I am grateful to have a sympathetic soul to commiserate and collaborate with.
What is Gratitude? The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes gratitude as “the state of being grateful.” And being grateful is defined as “feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness.” The Lord commands us to be thankful many times in the scriptures: As disciples of Christ, we are commanded to “thank the Lord [our] God in all things,”1 to “sing unto the Lord with thanksgiving,”2 and to “let [our] heart be full of thanks unto God.”3
Why does God command us to be grateful? Elder Dieter F Uchtdorf states: “All of His commandments are given to make blessings available to us. Commandments are opportunities to exercise our agency and to receive blessings. Our loving Heavenly Father knows that choosing to develop a spirit of gratitude will bring us true joy and great happiness.”
Mortal life is difficult. There are the everyday hardships like your car is making some awful noises and needs a trip to the mechanic, no one liked the dinner you made, you did not accomplish anything on your to-do list because life happened, sickness or injury, or you are pretty sure the author of the hymn “Love At Home” could not have had kids at home because your house sounds more like, “Whining and Fighting at Home.”
Then there are trials, as Elder Dale G Renlund put it, of the “Infuriating Unfairness” variety. He says: “Some unfairness cannot be explained; inexplicable unfairness is infuriating. Unfairness comes from living with bodies that are imperfect, injured, or diseased. Mortal life is inherently unfair. Some people are born in affluence; others are not. Some have loving parents; others do not. Some live many years; others, few. And on and on and on. Some individuals make injurious mistakes even when they are trying to do good. Some choose not to alleviate unfairness when they could. Distressingly, some individuals use their God-given agency to hurt others when they never should.”
In our mortal experience, we are all given trials to bear. Some are temporary and others are of the more persisting variety. There are physical diseases and disabilities and struggles with mental health. There are feelings of loneliness and not fitting in. There are job and financial struggles. Feeling broken. Grief. Abuse. Addiction. Faith crisis. In a church where Celestial marriage and family is the goal, maybe your current life circumstances don’t seem to have you on that trajectory. This can be for many reasons. Divorce and broken families. Never finding a partner despite your righteous desires. Infertility. Being married but your spouse is not a member. Family members who choose to leave the church. Or whatever your unique circumstance is. We teach “Families are forever,” but what about mine? Amongst all these personal challenges, you can then turn on the news and be bombarded with all that is wrong in the world. How can we find any happiness in life?
Two psychologists, Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much research on gratitude. In one study, they asked all participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on particular topics. One group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them. After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.
In the talk, “Grateful in Any Circumstances,” Elder Uchtdorf states that instead of being grateful for things, let us try to be grateful in our circumstances. Quote, “Perhaps focusing on what we are grateful for is the wrong approach. It is difficult to develop a spirit of gratitude if our thankfulness is only proportional to the number of blessings we can count. True, it is important to frequently “count our blessings”—and anyone who has tried this knows there are many—but I don’t believe the Lord expects us to be less thankful in times of trial than in times of abundance and ease. In fact, most of the scriptural references do not speak of gratitude for things but rather suggest an overall spirit or attitude of gratitude.”
My mother-in-law passed away unexpectedly in a car crash two years ago next month. My in-laws have been more loving, supporting, and present than my side of the family. We have lost loved ones before, but they have been with some warning and time to say goodbye. This was a crushing blow. Through the heavy burden of grief, we could find some glimpses of hope. Friends dropped by to give hugs and support. Other friends left food by our front door for us to find after one of our many trips north in the days following the accident so we didn’t have to cook. I discovered again I really do have faith in my Savior and a belief in the restitution of all things. We can be together again. There were moments of that peace that “surpasses all understanding.” I am grateful for Kim. I am grateful for her love of scrapbooking. She loved to document her children and grandchildren. Taking good photos was not her strong suit so we are all immortalized chewing, talking, and not looking at the camera half of the time. She left a bookcase full of memories and family history. After she passed, messages were received from the many people she loved and would reach out to regularly. She was a good example of that. She told me that I am loveable, even when my extended family showed the opposite. I am grateful for the years I had her in my life and her example of love and service.
Elder Uchtdorf said, “Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true. By being grateful, we follow the example of our beloved Savior, who said, “Not my will, but thine, be done.” True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will. In any circumstance, our sense of gratitude is nourished by the many and sacred truths we do know: that our Father has given His children the great plan of happiness; that through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ, we can live forever with our loved ones; that in the end, we will have glorious, perfect, and immortal bodies, unburdened by sickness or disability; and that our tears of sadness and loss will be replaced with an abundance of happiness and joy.”
I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father. Elder Patrick Kearon said, “Our loving Father oversaw the Creation of this very earth for the express purpose of providing an opportunity for you and for me to have the stretching and refining experiences of mortality, the chance to use our God-given moral agency to choose Him, to learn and grow, to make mistakes, to repent, to love God and our neighbour, and to one day return home to Him. He sent His precious Beloved Son to this fallen world to live the full range of the human experience, to provide an example for the rest of His children to follow, and to atone and redeem. Christ’s great atoning gift removes every roadblock of physical and spiritual death that would separate us from our eternal home.”
I am grateful for Jesus Christ. He, who descended below all things, is our Savior and Redeemer. He will succor us in our trials and tribulations. He knows our suffering. He atoned for our sins so we can repent, be forgiven, and work to qualify for exaltation with His grace and mercy. He knows us and loves us in all of our mortal frailty. As Elder Kearon put it, “[He] is in relentless pursuit of you.” Jesus Christ can take our meager offerings, our 5 loaves and 2 fishes, and multiply our efforts into enough.
I am grateful for personal revelation. As we were reading in the Book of Ether, I found that I could relate to the Brother of Jared. He followed the Lord’s design for barges “tight like unto a dish” only to discover boats without light, fresh air, or the ability to steer. These are all major issues when you will be enclosed in a limited space with people, animals, and bees for almost a year. He had to have thought, “I thought I followed the Lord’s plan exactly. What went wrong?” which prompted further appeals to the Lord through prayer. My life has followed a similar course at times. I thought I was following what I was supposed to do only to find a roadblock or a destination I did not plan for. But as I continue to try, I can progress in my ability to “hear Him” and hopefully become a better, more Christ-like version of myself. In the case of the Brother of Jared, his roadblocks lead to better faith, growth, and eventually coming into the presence of the Lord.
I am grateful for the restored Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am thankful for the Book of Mormon, which gives us a more complete vision of the mission and scope of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for Joseph Smith who taught us that God wants all of His children to be saved. Not just the lucky few who were born in a time and place where Christianity is taught. He has made provisions for everyone who was ever born on this earth to be saved, and even exalted. I am thankful for temples, where we can make covenants with the Lord. We gain strength to face adversity in keeping those covenants. I am thankful for prophets. To answer my question from earlier about marriage and families in the eternities, here is a quote from President Lorenzo Snow: “There is no Latter-day Saint who dies after having lived a faithful life who will lose anything because of having failed to do certain things when opportunities were not furnished to him or her.” So to rephrase, if you live a faithful life to the best of your ability there are no blessings that are denied to you. None. Somehow, the Atonement of Jesus Christ will right the injustices, make up for the pain inherent to our mortal life, and make each of us whole again. So have faith. Don’t give up on God. Be patient with the human frailty around you. Make space to recognize the hand of Heavenly Father in your life and be thankful for all of the blessings we do have.
As we celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday and begin the Christmas season let us remember to “...talk of Christ, … rejoice in Christ, … preach of Christ,... that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” 2 Nephi 25:26 He is our reason for joy and thanksgiving.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.