Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I Thought It Wasn't Monday

There are those mornings that are so contrary, I just want to go to bed and start over. It all started with Ryan's morning. He usually goes into work between 6:00-6:30 am (generally closer to 6 am), but was still searching for his school keys at 6:30. I don't get up until about 7, so I was still in bed (and asleep) when I was told to cover my head because our bedroom light was coming on. Ryan eventually had to leave for work without the keys.
Then it was my turn to get up. I fed the twins their first bottle and tried to get Emma and Elizabeth to get up. Elizabeth let me carry her to the living room, but Emma wanted to stay in bed. I made breakfast and finally got Emma out of bed. The twins and Emma ate their breakfast, but Elizabeth just sat there looking at hers. I made Emma's lunch to take and tried to encourage the girls to get dressed. They sat like little bumps on the couch. It's got to be the weather that is affecting every one's mood. It's been cold, gloomy and rainy it seems like forever. I finally chose clothes and sat the clothes by the girls on the couch and told them to put them on.
Fast forward to time for coats, shoes and backpacks. I practically have dressed my unmotivated children, found their backpacks and shoes and was wandering around, wondering what have happened to all of Emma's socks. I found some in the closet in her room, some under her sister's bed and none of them were clean. She just can't seem to put them in the dirty clothes basket for me to wash. Even if she leaves them in the living room, I will put them in the laundry room myself, but no. They just disappear. So I gave her a dirty pair to wear, put the twins in their coats, grab my keys to go start the car. I was really looking forward to getting the girls off to school so I could come home and finally eat my breakfast.
Well, I pressed the keyless entry button, opened the driver side door and started the car. Then, having brought Annie out with me, I grabbed the driver's side rear door and pulled the handle. And it didn't open. I pressed the keyless entry button again, and still nothing. Oh crap.
I walked around the other side of the van and grabbed that door. It didn't move either. Oh no, not today! @#$%^&* I was running late as it was.
I went back inside and called Ryan at school for ideas on how to unfreeze the van faster. Ryan's great idea was just to let it run and eventually it will thaw. That's just what I wanted to hear, as I see Elizabeth grabbing the binky out of Maddie's mouth and bumping her over as she runs away from my stormy face.
Over the next 6 minutes I went out 6 times to try the doors. At last one opens and I herd all the kids into the car, having to climb in to get Annie seat belted. That's when I noticed Elizabeth was without her backpack. She gives me that big-innocent-eyed face and proclaims she doesn't know where her backpack was. 10 minutes ago it was on the couch; that's plenty of time for a 4 year old to make it disappear.
I took the keys from the ignition and went back into the house. That backpack is no where to be seen. I find it a little while later in the kitchen by the fridge. Obviously. Back to the van.
I turned the van back on, throw it into reverse and head out. The light that says I have a door open is on and the bell dings at me. I stop and try to open the door all the way so I can then shut it, but alas, it is still frozen in place. Fine. Be that way.
I made it to the corner before a voice from the back asks me why the car is beeping. I glance up at the roof of my otherwise dependable van and ask, why me? before shouting at the dashboard to shut up because I can't do anything about it. Oh, did I mention both the twins have thrown their binkies in the floor and are crying? Gosh, I love mornings.
After hitting both stoplights on the way to school, we finally arrived and clearly the first bell has already rung. I tell the girls to hurry up, and tell Emma that she'd better hurry and run to class after walking Elizabeth to her class. Elizabeth hurries to the door of the van and is ready for me to help her down, but Emma is not. She hands me a necklace that I guess was sitting in the cup holder in the backseat and asks me to put it on her. Wow, really? The, "You're late" conversation didn't stick very well. I said no and helped her down, grabbed the necklace and told her I'd help her tomorrow.
Now I am home, the twins are napping and I am looking back over my morning and thinking to myself that I really could have handled things better. Mean Mommy made an over-long appearance this morning, but not until the van didn't cooperate. I had kept my temper in check that long; but it still wasn't enough. So now I'll spend the rest of today beating myself up about it. I get up in the morning thinking that I really am going to do better, to be a better mom. Maybe someday.


Beverly said...

I think we all have days like that, when we beat ourselves up for the way we talked to our children. It's normal.. I hope!

Natalie said...

I think Mean Mommy can blame Vile Van for the mornings temperament. Maybe the "Cookie Lady" can come out for after school snacks? That'll make things better.

Bridget said...

I'm so happy you were able to keep your temper in check. I'm really working on that one. It's so hard.

Annie said...

We have days like that. BTW, I have a day like that today, too.

Heidi E said...

I love this quote from the Mormon Women Project, it give me hope on days like those! :)

"She is long suffering and patient, and she doesn’t come by that naturally. Naturally, she has a temper but she has learned to overcome the impatience and the trials and the exhaustion of motherhood. It’s shaped her into a beautiful, strong, wise, well-read woman." I may not be the mother I want to be today, but in time and with God's help I have hope that I can become that mother.