You Might Be A Mother If....

You might be a mother if....

...your idea of alone time includes showering with the bathroom door locked.

...you walk into your bathroom to see your daughter using your wash-your-face-only washcloth to clean her bum.

...you can't remember the last time you got a nap.

...you sneak around, trying to quickly assemble some ingredients into a batch of cookies/dinner/etc. quietly so as to not attract all the miniature sous chefs.

...you've lost it over something like- it's taken your child 5 minutes to zip and button a coat, and you are pretty sure that could be done in the car while you are driving to whatever-it-is you are already late for.

...you randomly shout things like, "Wash your hands!" or, "Stop pestering your sister!" or, "No more scissors until you pick up that mess you've already made!"

...you've left the house with stickers on your bum, and a crown on your head you didn't remember was still there.

...you realize if you pick up all those toys on the floor tonight, they will end up back right back where they are in 12 hours.  So you kick them over to the side of the room.

...you've washed enough laundry to clothe the entire school district (staff and all) in the last month.  (Stupid stomach flu.)

...the words, "Do I have to eat that?" after you've spent the last hour cooking, makes you wish it was ok to feed your children Kraft macaroni and cheese every night.

...you can quote Disney and Barbie movies from memory.  And explain in great detail all about Tinkerbell's fairy friends to someone without female grandchildren, who didn't recognize your daughter's Rosetta Halloween costume.  And explain to an unmarried sister-in-law the difference between Barbie Mermaidia and A Mermaid's Tale.  And afterwards realize how absolutely lame you sounded.

...you've covered the spilled cereal mess on your couch with a blanket when someone dropped by.  (Hey, the baby twins were sleeping and there was NO WAY I was getting the vacuum out until they woke up.)

...you can read certain favorite children's books without looking at the pages.

...your children have exclaimed over your guests "bad words" consisting of: stupid, dumb, shut up, and fart.

...you've lost your pillow, only to discover a little someone with a budding sense of humor has hidden it under your bed.  Or your book.  Or your shoes.

...you can correctly assess what might have been forgotten in the bedroom cleaning without actually going into the bedroom.

...your house has nothing breakable out anymore.

...you find yourself not owning a purse for several years, but instead haul the hospital-issued diaper bag everywhere.

...you are beautiful, talented, awesome at your job, and still not paid enough. (Ryan's submission)

...you are surrounded by tiny people who wipe snot on your clothes, pull out your hair (aka "brush"), whine sporadically, and you can still love them and laugh at your crazy life.